‘We need healthy to be the new norm’

Woman tells high schoolers how abusive relationships harmed her

NEWPORT - Ashley Bendiksen has seen it all – homelessness, alcohol and drugs, low self-esteem, all stemming from her past boyfriends. Unhealthy relationships are a form of abuse, as she recalled her lurid past to students at Newport High School Thursday.

Bendiksen’s six-year ordeal began in high school in a small town in Massachusetts.

“At 16 years old, I was petrified and excited about the high school dance hoping someone would ask me to dance. Someone did, and it seemed like high school heaven,” she said.

They would talk for hours on the phone at home and hung out at school, Bendriksen said, and at first it was wonderful.

“We didn’t kiss, but he had other expectations on how to be close. He would pressure me. At lunches, he would make fun of and share intimate details with his friends,” she said. “I felt hurt and suffered anxiety for the first time.”

Bendriksen’s mental health took a nosedive, she couldn’t focus and began getting Ds and Fs in school.

“I turned to alcohol, substances and fighting with my parents,” she said.

Eventually, they broke off and as she entered college two and a half hours away, she said she felt liberated.

“This was my fresh start,” she said.

Until she met another man during summer break.

At first, her latest boyfriend checked out with her until becoming abusive.

A stalker, Bendriksen’s boyfriend followed her back to college controlling her every move.

At one point, she lost touch with her parents over him, he crashed her car and they began living in a car, using her life’s savings.

In a moment of anger, her boyfriend attacked her. That’s when she got up the nerve to ask for police help.

Bendriksen’s life turned around when her abusive boyfriend ended up in jail.

She is now an advocate, public speaker and business owner empowering women.

“We need healthy to be the new norm,” she said.

This includes building healthy relationships built around respect, equality, independence, balance, support, trust and accountability.

One in three teens experience abuse with emotional abuse the most common. “Pay attention to the red flags, pay attention to when things change,” she said.

Changes may include isolation, control, manipulation, extreme mood swing and threats.

“When they put us down, put down our interests and hobbies, these are all red flags meant to isolate you,” she said.

“You need to feel safe and supported,” she said. Bendriksen said there is help from abuse through help lines and other means to break the cycle of stigma.

For further help and information, visit Ashleylovesyou. com.

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